some heartfelt thoughts and a little talk on my book(s)

Lets see how long this lasts.  I am avoiding scrubbing the tiles, seriously, so a hiding I go.  I dislike this moving process.  I do love that I get to be somewhere else, but the process bites.  I’m hoping its the last one in a long long time and at least I know the area is a good place to be since I lived near there once upon a time.

So I’ve been thinking to myself quite heavily about the things that I am planning on writing next and with the notes I have taken down I think there will be a HUGE dent in it.  It makes me happy and sad at the same time.  Happy because I know what I’m going to do; sad that its difficult to do it at the moment with most things boxed up and I’m working off very few things.  The things that I have to do outweigh the free time I have and that is a frustration and a half.

I have yet to write about Emma, a very good suggestion for a character description.  That child….all I can say is she will hold a strong voice soon enough and she should never be overlooked.  Each one of my characters are a necessity, hardly a single one that is sitting there with no story to tell or to help move it along.  Even this child is hardly a helpless thing.  

For those who have read Rise of a Queen, as a beta reader or as someone who really enjoys it, can tell I have a flair for strong characters.  I’m not a fan of weak ones.  Sympathetic/empathetic; maybe.  I think that each and every one of them should be able to hold their own.  It could be the way I was raised, to never be helpless; also having to count on someone 100% of the time is going to give you 50% the fail and that I have learned through my own trial and error; unfortunately I still go through that.  It’s called being human (me, not the characters).  I feel that if I cannot step into the characters shoes and feel/see/do their actions I have failed.  I know, I know, its not that way with all writers.  I just get emotionally involved, even with the ones that people get mad at.  Get this though, if you get mad at them or have any feeling whatsoever I feel like I have done my job.  I get mail or messages asking me questions or telling me “Oh I am at this part and its driving me crazy; please tell me something terrible/good happens to X soon.”  Or I get ones that give me their thoughts on what they expect to come up hoping to get a hint (if I give one it is always of no help but fun to play along) or the best one “Holy Crap I didn’t expect that!” 

I may not be Anne Rice, Stephanie Meyers, Stephen King, Clive Barker, Neil Gaiman, or all those others and I’m sure I will never play in their field.  I write to write, realizing that I’m not going to be able to retire on the income.  No big deal.  If people enjoy it then I’ve done my job. I’ve gotten the right book into the right hands.  If they don’t, then obviously we didn’t connect and no hard feelings on either end.  Do know, though, that I am quite passionate at my writing and put every ounce of emotion (and research) that I could possibly put and I would love for those to continue on that journey with me as the series continues.

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In Bloom

12-2-94

The wind blows wildly, a seed falls to the ground,

It floats so free and gentle it doesn’t make a sound.

The first stage of life for the seed is brand new,

Its the only one to survive of the fallen that is few.

Burried deep beneath the soil, it’s a warm and cozy feeling

It pops it’s green head above the ground, now it is a seedling;

The growth starts rapidly and up it starts to shoot,

Further and further below it grows from it’s very root.

With sunlight and water that mother nature has given,

This is the reason why this fine plant has risen.

It’s cycle keeps going and a bud it does form,

Closed up in a green back to be hidden from a storm.

When the moment is right, the bud starts to show,

Opening further the colored flower begins to grow;

Blooming and blossoming a red flower is mature,

This is the way life goes, among the loving nature.

The Battle

11-9-94

The fire is lit, the heat begins to pour

The eagles are stalking, beginning to soar;

The volcano erupts and all havoc breaks loose,

There is no real time to just stand there and choose.

If I fight all the thunder, the rage gets immense,

I try hard to control it, my feelings intense;

I’ll lost the battle just as sure as I fight,

But my mind tell me that he had no right.

There is a chance this battle can be won,

I could outdo all the terror in the past I have done;

Give disaster a true fight of wits and brains,

where acid from by body it begins to rain.

I decided to take the challenge, I know that I will win,

For the day way this demons acting, I have made a very bad sin;

The fight starts with me, my angels at my side,

and begin a bloody battle with his demons close behind.

The battle grounds are haunting, our warriors half dead,

But I swear to God “I give up not!”, that is what I said.

Good conquers evil, it was very hard to do,

Now the devil and his victims start back tomorrow new.

Shout Out to My Lefties (handed not political)

Opinion piece, which means it is open for argument or discussion 🙂

I just happened upon an article that one always takes as a grain of salt when it is just one and studies are sparse.  BUT it is about left handed people, one I am quite proud to be.  It brings to question, how many of the bloggers are left handed; Or writers, or musicians, or any of the above.  We all know I have anxiety issues (what person who pressures the brain to squeeze out more words than are not forced to be written but by oneself not have a little bit of anxiety? Especially the dreaded writers block).  I find the assumption (or studies) showing schizophrenia and ADHD a bit off-putting though, or most mental illnesses.  Yeah, some of us have them but I doubt it is from what hand we are dominant with.  In my opinion I see it as more of a reaction to a traumatic even.  ADHD seems to always be placed on creative people; or smart, or anyone who strives a bit much. I am not saying it doesn’t exist because I sure as heck know it does, I just think that it can sometimes be confused with a creative person’s lack of having the brain fully shut off during every day tasks such as sleeping; as for PTSD I can say there are many factors involved in that. So on to the next.  My thoughts: Left handed (right brained) people and mental illness = roll of the dice and not necessarily related.

Ok, the next one.  Breast cancer?  That is a new one.  Not sure how boobies and brains really intertwine that much aside from the nerves alone.  But hey, maybe those 165 women studied may have just been unlucky.  My thoughts: totally off base.

Accident prone.  Hmmm, let me think on that one.  I’ve always been accident prone as a kid and I could not even suspect to know the number of bumps, bruises, scratches, and scars that cover me from head to toe.  To be associated with my hand? My thought: Shame my my hand if it is the cause of my owies.  So to me that could be a toss up.

More Likely to Excel at Language, Math, and Music.  That’s always been up for discussion and this is how I would love to know how many of you that are any of the above are truly left handed. My thoughts: I suck at math and I love spreadsheets to help with that.  So you give that one a call.

Better at Competitive Sports.  I played sports, some.  I was the only girl in little league baseball that played.  I wasn’t the best and I wasn’t the worst.  What I was, though, happened to be confusing as heck.  Bat left handed and throw/catch right handed.  I could bat the other way too but preferred not to.  Biggest bonus on my was that I was tiny so itty bitty strike zone 😀  So I think THOSE happened to be my edges in the competition, not handedness/brained.  My thoughts: Naaaahhhh, we’re all competitive one way or another and I know quite a few righties that are highly successful at competitive sports.

End of my thoughts kind of thoughts 😀 (double thinking, uh oh) Although I find us lefties to be quite special, unique, and yes creative, I think some of the things labeled were for the sake of someone throwing an article together, much like I did this blog post.  Now….Discuss.

Untitled poem (Any takers on a title?)

2-15-93

More and more I think the thoughts of a world that I once knew.

The laughter, the crying, the horror, the anger, are the thoughts I think of you.

Like an innocent child stealing away in the night, was my life that had passed on by,

Now confusion and emptiness fill my body with sin, giving some reason to die.

What once was wrong is now so right, temptation at the door.

Waiting to pounce at the moment you fall, ready to give you more.

As the night goes on further, the darkness appears, merely showing the shadows of life,

Only a flicker of light on the face of the dead, showing the fears of fright.

Reality comes and goes at its will, showing destruction in me,

For I fear what is spoken and scared of the fist, provoking the devil in thee.

But my anger must cease so to start the wheels, for my life is not yet to begin,

Hate for all those who had altered my state, will not stand for my fight to not win.

Ahhhhh poetry…. let’s break it up for a moment

Obviously I feel very productive today in all things in short bursts. I was very productive of ignoring the cat before I couldn’t stand it anymore and got up. Yay so PC came on and obviously I was alternating that and organizing waiting for my coffee. Took a nice break and played a video game that stressed me out instead of calming me down.  Then I played me a bit of box tetris because it seriously was driving me crazy. I have 20 moves under my belt I got this 😉

Ahhhh that was done for today. Well until I add more later. Hey I attempted a nap. Hahaha. Instead I geeked it out by watching a tad of a SciFi show. All just in time to get ready for some awesome grilling and somewhat goodbye food by the best grill master that I will miss.

Now as the humidity attempts to suck my air away I could care less because this has probably been the most relaxing day I have had in weeks.
I’m sure the day I sit on my new front porch and look out into a real backyard in a state I know I enjoy better will outdo this kind of relaxation 🙂

The Brook

9-14-93

The water flows and endless flow,

From where it comes, I do not know;

The water is cool and crystal clear,

It is refreshing to drink, and calming to hear.

The ripples and lines move from form to form,

It keeps you from the heat when it get’s too warm.

You can swim an everlasting stroke whenever you like,

Or lead you to wonders on a long hard hike.

It brings life among its banks, every creature in the forest

All the birds in the sky sing a song all in chorus

The fish in the water jump high to the sky,

Acting as though they had wings to fly.

As the sun goes down slowly they go to their own place,

With the sound of the animals ceased, I find no other trace;

Only the crickets that are chirping, the hoot owls singing,

And morning only a few hours away, waking to the early bells ringing.

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Just heads up.  Remember, most of the things I wrote i was a hormonal completely emotional teenager.  Out here in adult land……ah who are we kidding.  As you will see some dark stuff, there are also some very light things.  Definitely bipolar in the mix.

The Darkest Hour

2-11-93

Darkness abides in the hearts of the wretched,

The Earth is of crumbled decay.

The light only shines in the pure and the sacred,In voice they will lead the way.

The cold burns the faces of of the demons within,

When the fire had invited them in.

We walk in desertion and run in despair,

With the cursed we can never win.

Some High School Poetry Heading your way

Yes, isn’t this fun? As I pack up what is left of the dregs lingering in my office I come across a stack of papers that I do from time to time.  Old stories and old poems.

Mind you, this is teenage me.  The simpleness of the rhyming is no pro to say the least and I don’t do poetry anymore, I focus on my books.  But maybe I will stick some of these old poems out there for at least giggle, sound good?  Once again, teenage me 😀